It is said, that understanding is the key to everlasting marriage. But it is also understanding itself that broke many apart. So where does the fine line stands? Commitment? Choice? Or it just all boils down to attitude. 7 Habits of Highly Effectively People, once taught me to take a pause in everything, acknowledge that you have the power to decide what to do next. It is your choice to make the next few seconds the way you want it to be. You can control what others react to you. But with the different levels of control we place ourselves in, reflexes, emotions & our conscious and sub-conscious mind, it doesn’t always produce the same crops. Be a little too rigid, swear your life on common sense and logic, and you will be branded cold. Be a little too caring of everyone’s emotions, and you will be called sensitive & emotional. Make a call consciously, perhaps it’s just the right thing to do, but not necessary what’s needed in the situation. Do it sub-consciously, you could hit the sweet spot, or be totally out of the context. And this is what geting married is all about. Making decisions in life, as two confused individuals tries to juggle between their needs and wants, and their priorities. 

Growing up, meeting friends, dating, working, getting married, have kids. Is that all life has to offer? Richard Branson once said, it wasn’t his wealth that gave him so much happiness. It was instead happiness that gave him success, made him who he is. Half of us swears that money buys happiness. The other half just can’t afford it. And then there’s one small portion whom are just content with whatever they have. After all we came into this world with nothing on us, everything we have now is a gift, a blessing, that we should be thankful to God for. Perhaps this is where it goes back to the theory, that one must be happy first, before he can achieve anything. Happy, content, leaves the mind free of worries and greed, allowing focus on what matters most, what he really wants in life.

I put it to the test, without even realizing it. I was without a companion for two years. Never needed one, or so I thought. Day in day out was work and time spared to be back with my parents. Never really had much difficulties in work. I was content. I was happy. And I was delivering results. I was good at what I do. No one knows how far will this go. Marriage was never in my mind. I was convinced that life itself, the world it is today, is not exactly encouraging for people to be together, there were too much of temptations, sufferings, injustice, threats & risks everywhere. Why the need of binding yourself to another person, only to be separated by death eventually, leaving a void to those left behind. Why bother bring life into the world when we ourselves are not confident in managing it? I was convinced that I could live my life alone, and still be happy about it. I was right and I was 37.


Till I met her. The curious looking yet mysterious girl introduced at a dinner when I least expected. I stared at her for a while, she took a glance at me and smiled. She was seated at the other end of the table. I could not engage with her directly, but instead I sent her a message through the number on her name card. There was no reply, I didn’t even see her checking her phone. Turns out it was on the other table wired into the charger. Amethyst, my favorite crystal colour.

I’ve been reminded continuously by a close friend, that she was introduced to me by him just for a fact the he was seated nearer to her, hence the 30 seconds “advantage” taken. This is how fate works isn’t it? Throughout our lives people walk in and out, some stayed, some left and some merely crossed path. So what is it that matters so much in life, what determines our fate? Yes we always ask this, but it’s just too convenient us human being human, forget that we are not the center of the universe (as much as we would like to be), but we are not. Our fate is as much as another person’s. And this is mine, and this is how it was handcrafted since birth by my mom, my dad, my family, relatives & friends. And now it’s her turn.

Fate is indeed something no one can deny. She was right here at the same place, she met almost everyone on the island, but not me. For the past 8 months she was here, we’ve never met. But on the day we finally did, she was already leaving the island. This, is fate. But fate doesn’t work by itself. Fate needs intervention. Fate needs us as much as we need it. And that is how we craft our lives.

After dinner, we continued to the lounge for a couple of drinks. But we never had much chance to speak, she was occupied with something else. Then the opportunity came. She needed to go to another event, and I offered to send her. Had an opportunity to get to know her more during the ride, she needed to get back to freshen up, waited for her in the car and there she was. The fragrance that she carried was, mesmerising. A beautiful face. Amazing smile. Mesmerizing fragrance and the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard in my life. Is that how it is, indication of falling in love with someone.

Wrong. That would have been too shallow. Fate introduced us, circumstances gave us an opportunity, but in the end it’s our hearts that will determine the rest. But falling in love ain’t that easy. At least not for me, been through and seen most. Stepping into it again takes more than a meeting, a conversation or even fate itself. But it was no doubt, a very good beginning. Something that will change my life forever.


What is love? An act of affection? An expression of faith, trust & attraction? Or perhaps just pure lust to some, or just a spell placed on another. And at that time, I don’t even know yet, what it is going to be for “us”. The option was placed before me and what happens next will change both our lives. It got me thinking that night, am I ready for this, do I want to “try again”. 29 October 2014, the day we met.

Over the days opportunities presented itself, and I took it to meet her again. Couple of texts, an event happening here, and we were “reunited”. I began to consider, if we could be the one for each other. I had doubts. I am human, after all. It wasn’t like we were on a date, she’s one of those sociable type, friendly to all and that actually made things a little confusing. I couldn’t tell if she was interested. There was something about her that all of us could not make of. The combination of sweetness, cuteness, funny & intensely innocent behaviours, awkward combination with her dedication to work and determination to succeed. There had to be a hidden story behind all these. Indeed.

So did I. My historical love story is something that one could watch over some Hong Kong TVB drama. Well, that’s probably best left for another time. I am now writing my new and my last story, my hundred proposals, our journey..

The Author - Lip Seng Yap

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